To My Angel,
The sky slowly turns red now..
See the rays of the sun? It reminds me of you. It’s warmth through the cold breeze makes me feel your hug. It’s nearly twilight now and I’m waiting for the sunset.
I wouldn’t forget the day we became friends. At this exact place, I almost killed myself. Few more inches and I could have ended my misery with a blade. To my surprise, someone took it from me. You just came out of nowhere and started scolding me. I was literally silent, dumbfounded by that grand entrance of yours that I couldn’t remember if I was still breathing at that moment. But there’s this line you’ve said that I’d never forget,
“There’s someone out there who prays desperately just to prolong his life yet someone like you would just throw away that precious gift.”
I thought it only happens in movies. Funny how it happened that day. It made me laugh bitterly and I saw confusion written all over your face. Right at that moment, I thanked you silently. I was such an ungrateful creature. Next thing I knew, I was crying so hard, not minding the fact that I’m weeping in front of a stranger.
I was expecting you to leave me there. You must have thought that I was some kind of an insane girl who cries after laughing. But you stayed. You waited til I have no more tears to shed. You introduced yourself. You know what? Your name became the most beautiful name for me, Kielle. I told you how miserable my life was. My parents just got divorced, leaving me alone with grandma. They don’t love me anymore. They never did anyway. You just smiled and offered to sing for me. I knew what you were trying to say, of course. My problem was of no difference with others’. It’s not as if my parents are the only couple to go through that kind of decision. You sang till you saw me smile. You had no idea how it made me feel so much better. Since then, we’ve always hang out here. You’d sing, I’d listen and we’d both wait for the sun to set.
Since that day, twilight became my favorite time of the day. This place became my sanctuary. The sound of cold zephyr and birds’ melody became
the music I love the most. This old tree with big roots where we usually sit became the most comfortable seat I ever had. This majestic miracle I’m seeing right now became my favorite work of art. I wouldn’t be saying these things if I haven’t met you. These things I’ve never given importance became greater than any treasure this material world could offer. You’ve made me appreciate them more.
I would always run from school to this place and find you either sitting on the big roots or on the swing. But one thing is for sure, I’d always see you staring at the vast blue sea just beneath this hill. You were always fascinated by the waves. You would always wait till the sunlight fades. Sometimes I’d be at your house. I could still recall your mother’s reaction when she first saw me. She had that kind of expression on her face telling me that she’s thankful you met me. Why was that?, I wanted to ask. Well now I wouldn’t have to. Days passed till I realized, we’re starting to walk into each other’s life and there’s no way I’d take a step backward.
I’d never regret the day I tried to end my life. Wanna know why? Because that day I met you. That day I met my angel.
You became a friend I never had.
A brother I never had.
And an angel I thought I never had.
How I wish you’re still here so we could watch the sun as it hides behind the sea, see how it loses its bright color, and watch the birds as they do their show. You told me how much you love the sunset. You said that it makes you believe that endings are beautiful, just like how every life ends. Now I believe in it, too, because yours ended as beautiful as the sunset.
You also told me that when the day ends, it gives us a chance to look forward to another wonderful morning. It’s what keeps me waiting for a new day every night before closing my eyes.
When you first told me that you’re sick, I just stared at you, waiting for you to add ‘gotcha!’ but it never came. I even laughed, trying to convince myself that you’re just making fun of me. But your eyes told me otherwise. You were sick long before you met me. I knew then I’d have to make the most of our time together before anything worse happens. I’d always try my best to make you smile. I guess I was a good actress because you’d always laugh at my jokes and smile whenever I smile at you. Or maybe, it was you. You were the best actor that I almost believed you were really okay. I didn’t want to talk about you going because I didn’t want you to see how fragile I could be. My tears might have just betrayed me.
One day you refused seeing me. You’ve avoided me for a month I guess. Your mother would tell me that you’re sleeping. You’re always sleeping, I would sarcastically tell myself. You wouldn’t even want to talk to me over the phone. Why not let me be with you?
Just when I was about to give you what you wanted, one phone call changed everything.
You’re mother called to tell me that you were rushed to the hospital. Don’t take him yet. Don’t take him please. Don’t let his heart stop beating. Let him live.
I thought you would push me away again, but you smiled at me. Maybe you’re too tired to shoo me away. I held your hand till you fell asleep.
Your fragile body became thinner. Why didn’t I even notice that you were really thin when I met you? Your face was pale. You seem to be thirsty because your lips looked dry.
That night I prayed like I’ve never prayed before. And I decided not to leave you no matter how much you wanted me out of your life. You didn’t want me to see you at your worst, I knew that. But that time I just wanted to be your strength. That time I wanted to be your angel.
Hey, how I wish you can still see me from where you are right now. See this flower in this pot beside me? They’re beautiful, aren’t they? You gave me this and it bloomed today. It’s your way of saying you miss me too, right? And oh, I wouldn’t forget this guitar you gave me. This was your favorite and you gave this to me as a gift. Do you want me to sing for you? It’s the one you’ve requested when I visited you in that white room. It was the last song you’ve heard and I was glad that you were happy when you left. You suffered a lot for a long period of time fighting for your life and a single song was the only thing I could offer. You left but I know you would always be here. You are my angel, right? I’d start strumming the guitar now – my angel’s guitar.
“Just close your eyes; the sun is going down.
You’ll be alright; no one can hurt you now.
Come morning light; you and I’ll be safe and sound….”