The Girl Who Moved On

I deleted his number then I changed mine.

I deactivated all my social media accounts.

I never ask our common friends about his whereabouts anymore.

I didn’t dare to look back. I dared to take a step forward instead.

I don’t even care whenever someone mentions his name because it became foreign to my ears.

I didn’t return the things he gave me — I burned them. All the letters, cards, stuff toys, even the petals of all the flowers he gave me which I carefully kept in a bottle. I got rid of them all.

I laugh with my friends like the way I usually do, while exchanging funny stories and jokes with them.

My world revolved like the way it normally did.

And I liked it better.

Because all I have to care about now is my own life, my career, my family, and my friends.

No complications, no pain, no heartbreaks but only good and bad days.

I woke up at 6 am.

I stood in front of my mirror.

I smiled and greeted the girl looking back at me a good morning.

Then I proceeded with my morning rituals, cooked bacon and eggs and made my coffee. I ate not in haste, but in a slow, careful manner. I wanted to enjoy my first breakfast alone after a long time. It’s the first day of me being alone since I already moved out from our home to rent an apartment nearer to my workplace. I  turned the  radio on and sang like I’m some sort of a rockstar.

It felt free. It felt fresh. It felt me.

I took a bath while dancing as the water from the shower meet my bathroom tiles and produced the beat I needed.

I chose a denim pencil skirt and white tank top to wear for this day.

A little bit of lipgloss and fresh powder, with my mascara on and tada! I’m off to go.

At work, I did all my tasks as fast and efficient as possible. I was practically smiling the whole day. I was humming a happy tune while encoding some documents my boss gave me. My workmates see me as a bubbly girl and I let them think of me that way.

I had such a perfect day.

I bid my workmates goodbye and hailed a taxi when I realized no one’s gonna pick me up anymore.

I looked outside the car window and enjoyed the view outside until my smile vanished at the sight of that place.

I got out of the car, paid my bill, and slowly walked towards that familiar place. My feet were heavy, and I could hear every footsteps I did.

The familiar scent of freshwater reached my senses as the river flowed below this bridge.

I felt the cold railings beneath my hands as a small smile crossed my lips. The evening air caressed my cheeks like it’s some sort of unspoken words of welcome.

A girl about my age suddenly stood beside me and held onto the railings like the way I did.

The only difference was that she’s crying hard, with smeared lipstick and mascara. She was mumbling words I could hardly understand. I looked away when she caught me staring. It was so rude of me, I know. So I turned away and started to walk away.

“Hey, are you going to jump off from this bridge?” Someone asked from behind.

Just to make sure he’s not referring to me, I turned my head to his direction.

He was talking to the girl I saw.

“So? Who cares if I do?” She asked, anger evident in her voice.

He looked lost at her question.

“Well, I don’t know one. Why don’t you try to jump so we could find out?” The boy shrugged.

The girl burst out laughing while the boy stayed at his ground, confused with her reaction.

“That’s the funniest line I’ve heard for today!” she laughed again, while wiping her tears.

My eyes were suddenly filled with tears until the two people in front of me became blurry. Their voices distant, until I could hear nothing but my own cries. It was me when I first met him. Here I am, pretending that everything’s just fine. Yet one look at this place brought all the memories back. Our first encounter. First date. First hug. First kiss. And my first heartbreak. All of them came back as if they’re too fresh to forget. He taught me how to live when I wanted to end my life. But then he became the reason I am dead inside now.

It’s been six months. Six months of pretense. Six months of empty feeling. Six months without him.

When he told me he didn’t love me anymore like he used to, I didn’t cry. I didn’t want him to know I was dying inside. I iust nodded and turned away. He didn’t even ran after me. He just let me go.

They say that time heals, but I guess not all things heal no matter how long it had passed. Sometimes, you just learn how to be familiar with the pain. You learn to fake every smile to let the world know that you’re okay. That you don’t need anyone to make you smile, or to check on you when you’re too engrossed with your job that you forget to eat or sleep, or somebody to walk you home when it’s late.

I guess some things aren’t supposed to be forgotten. And some feelings just won’t go. They would haunt the shit out of you. And I know I won’t be fine anymore. But somehow I can be okay. I hope.

Pagmumuni: Pangalawa

Normal na gabi ito para sa karamihan. Walang humpay sa pagbuhos ang trapiko kahit malalim na ang gabi. Nagkalat ang mga tambay sa kanto. Dinig na dinig ang huni ng di mawaring gamgam mula sa di kalayuan. Buhay na buhay ang mga ilaw sa lungsod na nagmistulang bituin sa lupa. Ang ihip ng hangin, na kahit pa hindi kasing lamig ng hangin sa maliit na bayang kanyang nilisan, ay nagdudulot pa rin ng magandang pakiramdam. May mangilan ngilan ring bituin sa langit. Dahil na rin siguro sa makapal na ulap kaya hindi makapagbigay ng ningning ang mga ito sa lumuluha niyang mga mata. Gayunpaman, normal na araw iyon, at walang may pakialam kung ano man ang kanyang nararamdaman.

“Ngunit ang buwan, hindi ko makita.” Sambit niya sa kanyang sarili na tila ba alam nito ang kasagutan.

Ang buwan. Na tanging kausap niya tuwing siya’y walang matakbuhan. Ang buwan na siyang nagbibigay kasagutan   sa kanyang mga tanong. Wala ito ngayon. Marahil ay napagod na rin siyang makinig sa mga walang kwenta kong hinaing. Mapait niyang naisip.

Muli niyang naramdaman ang pag iisa. Dito sa lungsod kung saan siya’y nag iisa’t walang masandalan. Dito kung saan hinarap niya ang mga pagsubok para sa kanyang ina. Ang kanyang ina na siya na lamang nag iisang motibasyon upang ipagpatuloy niya ang buhay.

Ang kayang ama’y matagal nang pumanaw. Nasa ikaapat na baitang pa lamang siya noon. Ngumiti siya ng mapait at saka naisip na hindi na niya maalala ang mukha ng kanyang ama ng ito’y nabubuhay pa. Palibhasa’y marami siyang ibang dapat isipin maliban dito.

Nang tumuntong siya ng hiskul ay unti unti namang nanghina ang kanyang ina. Nagkaroon ito ng kumplikasyon sa bato at dahil doon ay kailangan niyang tumigil sa pag aaral. Humingi sila ng tulong sa kanilang mga kamag anak, ngunit dumating din ang araw na isinumbat sa kanilang mag ina ang mga naging tulong ng mga ito.

Nagdesisyon siyang lumuwas ng kabilang bayan upang doon magtrabaho. Siya’y naging cashier sa isang department store. Naging maayos naman ang kanilang buhay hanggang sa dumating ang araw na iyon.

Sumikip ang kanyang dibdib at wari bang kinapos siya ng hininga. Hindi niya maipalawag ang dalamhating kanyang pinagdadaanan. Tumulo ang kanyang mga luha, ngunit hindi niya ito pinunasan. Hinayaan niyang bumuhos ang mga butil ng kanyang hinagpis hanggang sa mawala ang anumang emosyon na meron siya.

Dahan dahan siyang humakbang papalapit sa gilid ng gusali. Naramdaman niya na nasa dulo na siya. Isang hakbang pa’y matatapos na ang lahat. Bigkas niya sa kanyang isip.

Tumingala siya’t napangiti ng biglang makita ang buwan. Hindi man ito kumislap kagaya ng mga tala ay nasiyahan siya. Nagpakita ito ngayon. Siguro’y nais niyang magpaalam. Kung gayon ay matiwasay akong lilisan at tutungo sa lugar kung saan makakasama kong muli si inay. Napangiti siya sa kanyang naisip. Napakagandang pagkakataon ito upang ipaubaya sa hangin ang kanyang pasya. Naramdaman niya ang haplos ng hangin sa kanyang likod na tila ba sinasabi sa kanyang wala siyang dapat ikatakot. Marahan niyang ipinikit ang kanyang mga mata, ipinatong ang mga kamay kung saan naroroon ang tumitibok niyang puso, at walang pag aalinlangang humakbang patungo sa kawalan.

Tumingala siya’t pinagmasdan ang buwan at saka sinambit ang mga salitang matagal na niyang nais bitiwan.

“Ito na ang katapusan.”

100-word story: Illusive Dream

Your arms held me in an embrace as we lay on that pavement, and it felt so real. Your warmth enveloped my freezing soul. It felt so comfortable that I tightly held your hands that night like I would lose you anytime as a small smile played on my lips. We talked about stars. We talked about rain. We talked about almost everything. We were both listening to the sound of our heartbeats. But the sound of my alarm brought  me back to reality. Then all I could see was darkness. Suddenly it felt cold. Suddenly I was all alone.

100 Word Story: Text Message

*See? She’s really fake.*

I read Sasha’s text a couple of times.

She’s talking about Macy and she’s right. That girl who pretended to be my friend turned out to be a gossipmonger spreading rumors that I’m pregnant. Where the hell she heard it, I don’t know. She probably made that story up. She seemed so nice and honest that they all believed  her.

*She is! May that Macy rot in hell!*

Sent.

Sasha didn’t reply so I checked the sent items.

Damn!

I was thinking about Macy while texting that I ended up sending it to her.

Oh well.

50 Word Story: Mysterious Lights

…..
Nobody’s believing me. I swear I saw it with my eyes.

UFO.

That’s how science call it. And last night, while I was on our rooftop, I saw five lights forming a circle.

So now, with my camera in hands, I climb to the rooftop again.

And there it is.
….

Last night, I watched the news and I was fascinated by the UFO seen in Pampanga (they say they saw it and they even have a video) 😀
What if you they’re real? I can’t help but think. And I ended up writing this 🙂